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Sunday, 30 April 2017

Complex Reasons

Today, Prime Minister Teresa May said that there are 'many complex reasons' why people use food banks. She said this because she was asked, by journalist Andrew Marr, to comment on reports that NHS nurses are resorting to using them.

She's absolutely right, of course; people use food banks for all sorts of reasons. It's not enough, in this day and age, to attribute the use of food banks to hunger and a lack of funds to buy food. The world and its inhabitants are far more complicated than that. Especially in London. 

It's a shame that Mr Marr didn't give Ms May the chance to say what all the complex reasons are for people using food banks, because now the public is really confused about it all. Luckily, I've been doing my own bit of research into why nurses use food banks and I've spoken to nearly all of them and, boy are the reasons complex! I've written the most complex ones below. Thankfully, the most complex reasons are also the most common reasons. Birds and stones and all that...

Happy reading!

1. I do it to look 'vintage' on my Instagram account

2. I get confused about food banks and 'pop-up' restaurants

3. I don't like eating with my partner and children because of all the arguing

4. I've come to the UK from another country to work at the NHS and I thought that the food bank was a bit like an actual bank but that instead of getting money out you get food out

5. I fancy one of the volunteers at the food bank

6. I fancy all of the volunteers at the food bank

7. I'm just a fucking arsehole

8. I did it because someone at the hospital where I work asked me about sperm banks and I was like 'Mmmm, sperm' and I sort of zoned out for a bit and then after I'd zoned back in, the person I was talking to had changed the subject and she was talking about needing to buy the ingredients to make a soup but I was still kind of thinking about sperm and sperm banks and then she asked me if I could pick up an onion and some tomatoes for her (for the soup) on my lunch break because she wouldn't have time because she had to go to the bank and I think that all the talk about banks and soup and the fact that it was nearly lunch time just pushed me over the edge

9. It started raining and it was the first building that was open

10. God told me to do it

11. I can't be in the same room as Jenny and Jenny has her lunch in the hospital canteen and I need to eat at the same time as Jenny for personal reasons so we can't both be in the hospital canteen together and I can't be in the staff room because of the colour of the wallpaper (I have really sensitive eyes) so the food bank is the nearest place for me to have my lunch apart from Pret but I can't go to Pret because there actually isn't a Pret in my town sorry that I lied about Pret

12. I have horses

13. Teresa May told me to do it

14. I have to use the food bank because I've got one of those really cool studio flats in Shoreditch where you basically walk in and there's like a door and that's basically it. So, basically I don't really have, like, a kitchen. I basically just have a door. And that's basically it. It's pretty basic. But I love it

15. I had a really heavy period and my sense of identity got really  fucked up



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